Here you is verbed to a funny cool poem called Windows Is Shutting Down, on clivejames.com
“Windows is shutting down, and grammar are
On their last leg. So what am we to do?”
slamming windows
Category Archives: humor
double double
This just in my email. Made me laugh.
A linguistics professor was lecturing to his class one day. "In English," he said, "a double negative forms a positive. In some languages though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. "However," he pointed out, "there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative."
A voice from the back of the room piped up, "Yeah, right."
believe in yourself
“Believe in yourself, formulate a plan of action, and follow through with it. … I will deminstrate by breaking this bored on my head.” It’s not that he wanted to give up. He endeavored to persevere until he was nearly unconscious.
wake up kitty
I didn’t write a blog post today, but I want you to be happy. I want for you to laugh! So here’s a video that ought to do the trick.
Oh, this is good.
another hole in my head
I broke a tooth Thursday afternoon. I didn’t get in a fight with anybody, if that’s what you’re thinking. I was just minding my own business – a peaceable pilgrim passing through this worrisome land – when life said:
Tada! Here’s a reminder that you ain’t gettin’ any younger, Hooplehead.
I will spare you the grisly details. I went to the dentist yesterday and it’s hopeless, says he. The rest of the tooth will have to be pulled. And supposedly he has a great deal of experience doing so.
After I recover from the extraction action – in 4 to 5 months – I can have either a plant …
No, no. An implant. But trust me, there are no visual depictions of that concept, in all of Googledom, that are even slightly amusing.
… Or I can have a bridge.
I guess a viaduct is out of the question. It used to be a staple of all your better waterworks, but maybe they don’t do that anymore. But you gotta admit, it looks a lot like a bridge.
Don’t cry for me, Argentina. I had a root canal on the tooth that gave up the job, a few years back. So no pain. Just another hole in my head, now patched up temporarily with really cool space age composite goo.
… OK, OK, I know what you want. Here’s a canal.
judgment
“Each morning puts a man on trial and each evening passes judgment.”
– Roy L. Smith
“That puts a lot of pressure on me, and I don’t respond well to pressure.”
– Lewis Black
… some funny for you …
do it for our mother
RICHMOND, VA—Executives at Philip Morris USA this week unveiled Marlboro Earth, a new eco-friendly cigarette that gradually eliminates the causes of global warming and environmental destruction at their source.
slices
Have you seen that new show, Sliced? It’s on the History Channel. This guy uses power tools to slice things open and see how they work. Tonight I flipped by, and he was dissecting one of those arcade games with the claw that comes down and grabs the toys. There’s one in a Denny’s about 20 miles from here. He showed how it’s rigged using a compressed air regulator to control the grip of the claw. You don’t have a chance, kid.
Wouldn’t it be more reasonable just to use screwdrivers and wrenches to dismantle stuff? Yeah, but it would be as much fun; it wouldn’t be made for television.
So here’s what I’m thinking about: what would I like to slice apart with a huge circular saw. Hmm. It would have to be something I’ve never taken apart to repair before. Well, I’m thinking one of these.
An essentially unoffending mechanism, in the right hands. In the wrong hands, extremely annoying. the same could be said for one of these.
But I’m told that chasing one of these down and chopping it up, while satisfying, interesting, and arguably justified, is illegal everywhere but Texas. There, they have a “he damn sure needed killin” defense to homicide.
So, what would you like to dismantle today? Here’s a little movie inspiration for you. (Language alert.)
Hey, I wonder if the guy who invented those arcade games is still around, and whether he likes baseball and rap.
rekindled
Pretty funny take on Amazon Kindle ad.
On The Sneeze.
I have a proposal for you
Little girl in Dublin wants her school knocked down, or blown up.
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"Give me a ballpark figure."
Funny stuff!
Raw
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Another e-trade baby video you won't see on TV. Trouble viewing? Here's a link.
If this doesn't front load your mutuals, I don't know what will.
blogger got cooler
Is cooler the right word in that context, meaning more cool? … Dudn’t matter.
I got an e-mail from Blogger a couple of days ago, and I just got around to reading it. They have a new template designer for Blogger blogs like this, with a vast shipload of new templates, layouts, and designs. I’m trying it out. You may see Metaphor adopt a few different designs in the coming days. Or not. It depends on how funny the commercials are, since that’s when I redesign the blog.
When these guys are on, forget about it.
Trouble seeing the video? Click here.
If you’re a Blogger blogger and you want to check out the new toys, go to draft.blogger.com/home, select Layout then click Template Designer and you’re good to go.
Yep, your e-mail subscriptions – and there are 3 times as many of you as the last time I checked [woohoo!] – are still good.
E-mail subscribers are reminded that the e-mail is a simplified samplification of the blog. Click the links in the e-mail to get Metaphor in full color blogovision.
Starting tonight, one can also follow Metaphor on Twitter, though I can’t say why you’d necessarily want to. The option was there, it’s free, I clicked it. Besides, President Barak Obama is following my tweets, so I must be all that, right?
Metaphor 