Now I am sixty in less than a month. I’ve seen seven hundred twenty moons blaze up and light the orchards and the sea then fade away. It’s time to deconstruct my life; no time to rest, to elegize the years. What’s past was wasted or was spent. But how to dismantle and renew? Does anyone remember where we stored the paint? Yes, I know I shouldn’t joke but sometimes either you laugh or cry, can’t sleep, or sleep through half the morning, burning days.
Seven hundred moons or more or less in sixty years, though most of them rose and shone unseen on the roof of the house. And I will tell you a secret: the mind does not remember pain. It might recall the lurid shadows where pain rose and the light that drove it away. So we should go out when the moon is full and pray for the sun to rise.
After a year everything seems the same except the light in this room keeps changing. On sunny days it reflects from the neighbor’s garage, so people and cars cast shadows on the ceiling and the walls. I live in Plato’s Cave.
Now there must be clouds moving in to block the sun. Yes, but here it comes again, the light on this page, and then it’s gone. The bands of brightness on the ceiling flash and my pencil moves across the paper, signifying time.
In the room the shadows come and go and are your people still alright? And have you had your shots? Then here comes spring with plans to travel, feel the world go warm again, which in our case we have not got.
I have been indoors too long, alone. But that will be my story; it has always been my story: How I outlived the year to see today amidst the boredom and the horror and the glory.
I feel sad. How can they say that love exists only now, only today, when I know I need to love you tomorrow, as I have since we met? And I know it’s been years. If nothing else, the turning planet proves it: Time is created by motion and by the rhythm of a beating heart. Some days, everything is reduced to this, and to expectations – the process of diagnostics. Hope exists just in the future, whether the future is real or not. The Now isn’t always a place to call home.
I feel sad. Stuck in the future again. And don’t even mention the crows or the ocean this time. Nothing is rising and falling all night under a February moon or alighting on some trembling branch of faith. It just is what it is and I’m tired of Fear stopping by to spoil the music and the softened light of winter days. I’m just sad because everything worth loving and holding tight with joy and gratitude is fragile, and mortal and precious, like you.
Love is the one thing we’re capable of perceiving that transcends dimensions of time and space. Maybe we should trust that, even if we can’t understand it. – Interstellar
Breathe in and whisper God. Breathe out and cry Oh World. Then sigh oh short winter grass. There is nothing we ought to do so be still, be a creature believed by God, before He set the Earth to spin and Time to walk. And what might walk the other way? Death is too easy to write – on a page we see it circling overhead, a flock of dark wings. The winter sky is bright but pale and we see the walker coming straight ahead, never tiring, never sleeping, day and night. It only slows to listen if we sing.
It’s 1am in Washington, January 19, 2021. The last day of Donald Trump’s time occupying the White House is underway. I say occupancy, not presidency, because the man never showed up for work. He didn’t just give us bad leadership; it was no leadership at all.
On January 21 2017, the day after he took the oath, Trump had a campaign rally for the 2020 election. He spent 4 years lying, whining, complaining, and tweeting about whatever was pissing him off. He was incompetent, arrogant, racist, narcissistic, and obsessed with trivialities.
When the pandemic hit, he was the only world leader who did literally nothing but blather and let people die. His only goals in 4 years were to use his office to get richer and stay in office to stay out of jail.
Trump is an adnomination before Almighty God, a shameful, selfish, pitiful excuse for a man, and an abject waste of carbon in the universe. And by all accounts he sucks and cheats at golf. It’s ironic that his business empire and personal brand are rusting and crumbling before his eyes.
If there’s any justice in this right and godmade world, Trump will go to prison. The people of America deserve nothing less than – just for once – to see some accountability for avarice, treachery, and failure at the top. So help us God.
“The writer’s job is the job of a clown … the clown who also talks about sorrow.” – Kenzaburo Oe