The Bad List

I have decided to compile a list of all business entities which have the incalculable bad taste to present themselves or their products in any medium, prior to Thanksgiving, with a Christmas theme advertisement.

In the unlikely case that I would be otherwise inclined to patronize such a concern, said transgression of decency will result in my boycotting it until at least Memorial Day, 2012.

The reason for my abhorrence of this tacky practice, which seems to lurch forth from Madison Avenue earlier each year, should be self-evident.

My list will be circumspect, comprehensive, and you can bet your sweet sugarplums, I’m checking it twice.


As I mentioned a few days ago, I’m on call for possible jury duty this week. And so far, that’s as far as it’s gone, which is nice. A little passive-aggressive, but it could be worse. 

jury201110251654I noticed on the jury summons that there’s a web site where you can check your status online, instead of calling and listening to the recording. It’s much quicker. Click the image to enlarge.

I’m beginning to suspect that their request for my services is less than sincere. So I wouldn’t want to be in their shoes. Because, as you know, insincerity is the one thing that’ll get you in trouble with The Great Pumpkin, as explained in this video clip:

But in that scene from It’s The Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown, Linus says his pumpkin patch is the most sincere. “You can look all around and there’s not a sign of hypocrisy. Nothing but sincerity as far as the eye can see.”

Which begs the question, is hypocrisy the opposite of sincerity?  That didn’t ring right for me. I checked the thesaurus, and the antonyms of sincerity are dishonesty, insincerity, untrustworthiness.

But the antonyms of hypocrisy are forthrightness, honesty, righteousness, sincerity, truth. Viola!

I’m quite relieved. I can tell you – in all sincerity – that Peanuts was very important to me in childhood, and still is. Charlie Brown is something of an alter ego, so easily can I relate to his existential endeavors to persevere. And who doesn’t love Snoopy? So I’m glad to see this important social text vindicated.

… Yeah, I’m sincerely pulling your leg. Have a cartoon.


So Bad It’s Good

The winners have been posted for the 2011 Bulwer-Lytton contest.

This is explained by Poets & Writers:

The Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest announced, for the twenty-ninth year running, the worst sentence submitted to its annual race for the most wretched first line of an imaginary novel. The writer of this year’s worst opener is professor and admitted punster Sue Fondrie, who teaches in the curriculum and instruction program at University of Wisconsin in Oshkosh. She will receive as her prize "a pittance."