Cleaning the Attic

Cleaning the attic is basically the same thing as draining the swamp. It means getting rid of all the extraneous, dusty stuff that's floating around in your mind, so you can focus on doing something creative. Because your brain is like the junk drawer in your kitchen, man.

Some writers do writing practice – random or stream of consciousness writing – to rid themselves of the spooge. Others take a walk, meditate, wash the pickup truck, or cower in a happy place hugging their pet.

I've tried all those things, and they're all good. But today I suggest you try the following: Self help advice from a two-year-old.

Let me know how it works for you.

The Dingle-Dangle

If you’re thinking of deep frying your bird this Thanksgiving, you need to watch this dramatic video starring William Shatner. If you’re not, you need to watch it anyway, ‘cause it’s funny.

Thanks to Mike Elgan, on Google+, for this highly important public service message.

Frosty the Mad Man

Yesterday I posted about making a list of advertisers with the temerity to jump the gun on Christmas, before Thanksgiving.

See, it was funny, with the compiling and the boycotting and the phreaking sugarplums.

… ‘Cause I was ranting about it being too early for Chrsitmas, but I used a line from Santa Claus is Coming …

Ho ho ho?

… These are the jokes, folks.

The Bad List

I have decided to compile a list of all business entities which have the incalculable bad taste to present themselves or their products in any medium, prior to Thanksgiving, with a Christmas theme advertisement.

In the unlikely case that I would be otherwise inclined to patronize such a concern, said transgression of decency will result in my boycotting it until at least Memorial Day, 2012.

The reason for my abhorrence of this tacky practice, which seems to lurch forth from Madison Avenue earlier each year, should be self-evident.

My list will be circumspect, comprehensive, and you can bet your sweet sugarplums, I’m checking it twice.


As I mentioned a few days ago, I’m on call for possible jury duty this week. And so far, that’s as far as it’s gone, which is nice. A little passive-aggressive, but it could be worse. 

jury201110251654I noticed on the jury summons that there’s a web site where you can check your status online, instead of calling and listening to the recording. It’s much quicker. Click the image to enlarge.

I’m beginning to suspect that their request for my services is less than sincere. So I wouldn’t want to be in their shoes. Because, as you know, insincerity is the one thing that’ll get you in trouble with The Great Pumpkin, as explained in this video clip:

But in that scene from It’s The Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown, Linus says his pumpkin patch is the most sincere. “You can look all around and there’s not a sign of hypocrisy. Nothing but sincerity as far as the eye can see.”

Which begs the question, is hypocrisy the opposite of sincerity?  That didn’t ring right for me. I checked the thesaurus, and the antonyms of sincerity are dishonesty, insincerity, untrustworthiness.

But the antonyms of hypocrisy are forthrightness, honesty, righteousness, sincerity, truth. Viola!

I’m quite relieved. I can tell you – in all sincerity – that Peanuts was very important to me in childhood, and still is. Charlie Brown is something of an alter ego, so easily can I relate to his existential endeavors to persevere. And who doesn’t love Snoopy? So I’m glad to see this important social text vindicated.

… Yeah, I’m sincerely pulling your leg. Have a cartoon.