Megalopolis

When I first got online about 15 years ago, it was a pretty wild place, both in terms of design and culture. There was very little continuity or uniformity to be found. And everybody was as anonymous as they wanted to be. Everyone who was building anything personal online was following nobody’s rules but their own. Many websites were vibrant and lurid and strange. And I liked it.

I remember dark sites full of bad poetry in luminescent green text. Other sites were like being lost in vast and lightless subterranean rooms. You had to feel your way through the darkness with your mouse, as text and images appeared, linking and luring you farther into cyberspace. Which generally meant more bad poetry.

Gradually, the template builders appeared, staggering from the subsumed ruins of Geocities bearing design sets resembling styrofoam cheeseburger boxes, and a new strip mall Internet began to take form. I lamented the loss of out individuality even then, having no idea how much worse it was likely to get. Because millions of people were poised to swerve – one foot on the brake and fervently gripping their pocketable, plasticized brains – onto the information highway, with no skills or inclination to make anything to represent themselves.

Now look at what we’ve got. A megalopolis of shoeboxes, over half a billion strong, with little creativity involved.

Wait. I’m not saying that everyone who uses Facebook should have built a web site instead. There’s nothing wrong with living in apartments that look like they were designed by bees.

apartments1

Unless that becomes the only place in town to live, which I’m afraid is the trend. That would be bad. Where are the custom hand-built homes of the Internet today? Getting hard to see amidst the cardboard forest.

I miss the wild west manifest destiny days of the Web, with all its strange, colorful verbosity. And all the happy glassine metaphorical tubes of the Internets, ringing with clear, untangled anonymity. 

It Takes a Villager

I was just skipping through a weekly email from Time and spotted this photo.*

villagers

The caption reads: Happy New Year. Villagers party in a local pub during the Allendale Tar Barrel festival on New Year’s Eve in Allendale, England.

I think it would be cool to be a villager. I hadn’t realized the term was still used for people in the developed parts of the world.  I live in a condominium complex that we sometimes call The Village because its name is Casitas Village, but that doesn’t make it one. We don’t have any villages in California, as far as I know. We’ve got some very small towns. But I checked out Allendale on Google maps and Wikipedia, and it’s a village alright. About 2100 people, which makes it 7 times smaller than the town where I live.

Maybe to be a village you have to do some very whacky, insane stuff – like the Allendale Tar Barrel Festival.

Allendale Tar Barrel Festival quN8ahWqfEml

Now those look like some by God villagers, right there. And I have to admit, I don’t think I could keep up that kind of pace, or make that intense a commitment to my community. Not even once a year. But I tell you what, in my little town we recently got a new hardware store, having been without one for too long. I’ve only been in there once, for a little electric plug (buck and a half, a good price) but I imagine they stock pitchforks.

We could use Google Maps to source the local monster lairs, mad scientists and tea partiers. Or if you have a smartphone, there’s probably an app for that. Then you grab a torch, I’ll get my pitchfork out of the garage, and we’ll roshambo.

 

*Click photos to enlarge.

Longer Darkness

I have been outside this evening after dark, getting acquainted with the night, rearranging the strings of Christmas lights on my balcony irons. One of the strings went dead, you see. Probably a fussy little fuse.

But, you know, that old Grinch was so smart and so slick
He thought up a lie, and he thought it up quick!
"Why, my sweet little tot," the fake Santy Claus lied,
"There’s a light on this tree condo that won’t light on one side.
"So I’m taking it home to my workshop, my dear.
"I’ll fix it up there. Then I’ll bring it back here."

The days, you may have noticed, are getting terribly short. The sun’s arc is shallow, almost begrudging, even this far south of the North Pole. We’re only 10 days now from the Solstice. So Christmas lights are important, and I was out there in all this longer darkness, stringing twinklers at the top of my outside stairs. I guess there’s a slight chance of a quick and messy death in that. Which naturally set me to wondering what was the last thing I said to anyone, since that might turn out to be the last thing I said to anyone.

I couldn’t remember. It might have been something like “have a good night,” to my neighbor. But nobody wrote it down.

Wouldn’t it be cool if somebody – besides Facebook – was discreetly recording our every utterance, just in case it might be our last? Well my last words, if I had tumbled down the concrete steps, might not have been fit for polite conversation. Let alone to be etched in marble or quoted as an epigraph in literature. But you never know. I might have been wise or funny in the end.

Goethe is said to have thundered, "More light!" But there is, I believe, some contention. Some have quoted him as saying, “Open the second shutter so that more light may come in." The former is better. Still others say his final utterance was really, "Come my little one, and give me your paw." And where does your imagination go with that?

Henry David Thoreau’s last words were, "Moose. Indian." Just shortly before that, we was asked if he had made his peace with God. He said, "I did not know we had quarreled."

Walt Whitman’s last yawp: "Hold me up; I want to shit."

Emily Dickinson finally said, "Let us go in; the fog is rising." For her, everything was poetry, nothing ordinary.

When a nurse told Henrik Ibsen that he seemed to be improving, he said, "On the contrary!" and died.

Ludwig van Beethoven: "Friends, applaud. The comedy is over."

Oscar Wilde’s famous last words were, "Either this wallpaper goes or I do."

Welcome Christmas bring your cheer
Fahoo fores dahoo dores
Welcome all Whos far and near
Welcome Christmas, fahoo ramus
Welcome Christmas, dahoo damus
Christmas day will always be
Just so long as we have we
Fahoo fores dahoo dores
Welcome Christmas bring your light

lost change

We are not the same persons this year as last; nor are those we love. It is a happy chance if we, changing, continue to love a changed person.

– William Somerset Maugham, writer (1874-1965)

Kyle says –

Alright, that will be quite enough of that. Everybody knock it off!

women are smarter

Let me ask you ladies a question. If you had a cough, would you go to your medicine cabinet, take a swig of cough syrup, then check the label for the expiration date? No, a guy might do that but not a woman, because women are smarter.

Sorry guys, but it’s true. I even heard the Grateful Dead sing about it.

“It ain’t me it’s the people that say, men are leading women astray,I say, it’s the women today, smarter than the men in every way.”

Here are the full lyrics for you.

You are right my friend, that’s Bruce Hornsby of “The Range” fame, playing the accordion, starting at about 3:50. We saw him play keyboards with The Dead after Brent Midland died, but I never saw – or imagined I might – anybody play that instrument at a Dead show. Which is a good reason to love the internet, I guess. That’s pretty damn cool, if you ask me.

Anyway, I don’t feel totally stupid, I found a bag of Ricollas, so I’m OK. …And that exp. date? 01/2006. Yeah, I threw the bottle away.

cannot possibly

He was just humming through his day like one of those little robotic vacuum cleaners, and probably thinking about pickled things that really shouldn’t be, and bothering nobody, when this suddenly dawned on him:

The major difference between a thing that might go wrong and a thing that cannot possibly go wrong is that when a thing that cannot possibly go wrong goes wrong it usually turns out to be impossible to get at or repair.*

Then the humming resumed.

 

* Douglas Adams

surely some revelation

So you probably noticed we have a new tag line on Metaphor. Gone is “Intangible things are the writer’s business,” and in its place is “Surely some revelation is at hand.”

This is the first line of the 2nd stanza of this very famous poem:

The Second Coming
by William Butler Yeats (1865-1939)

Turning and turning in the widening gyre
The falcon cannot hear the falconer;
Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold;
Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world,
The blood-dimmed tide is loosed, and everywhere
The ceremony of innocence is drowned;
The best lack all conviction, while the worst
Are full of passionate intensity.
Surely some revelation is at hand;
Surely the Second Coming is at hand.
The Second Coming! Hardly are those words out
When a vast image out of Spiritus Mundi
Troubles my sight: somewhere in sands of the desert
A shape with lion body and the head of a man,
A gaze blank and pitiless as the sun,
Is moving its slow thighs, while all about it
Reel shadows of the indignant desert birds.
The darkness drops again; but now I know
That twenty centuries of stony sleep
Were vexed to nightmare by a rocking cradle,
And what rough beast, its hour come round at last,
Slouches towards Bethlehem to be born?

Blasphemy? Not exactly. A personal, mystical statement about the forces which oppose each other in history. Science and mysticism, democracy and totalitarianism, war and peace, Coke and Pepsi, sanity and tea parties, etc.

What rough beast, indeed.

Beware the Ides of March!

This year the Ides – March 15 – falls on the Monday after we lose an hour of sleep. (Didja set your clocks?) And studies indicate there may be more traffic accidents and heart attacks on that Monday. (See the video below.) So be careful driving and take some naps. Try not to plow into anybody or have a massive M.I.

The lost hour of sleep thing has never made complete sense to me: I just sleep later. When I set my bedroom alarm clock ahead an hour, I set the alarm an hour later too, and go ahead and get my roughly 7 hours. Duh.

Still, I have to admit that for the past several years, I tend to feel a little more fatigued for a few days after the time change.

I’ve been blaming Bush for this, so we’ll have to see what happens this year. I don’t have a problem continuing that tradition. Obama’s getting the blame for enough crap he didn’t cause. And we all knew it was going to take time to fix it.

Buzz Kill

I just killed Buzz and I'm feeling a little guilty.

I don't mean this guy, who is a blogger. I mean Google Buzz, the new social networking feature built in to my Gmail. I turned it off. I thought it might be worth a few words of explanation, since this blog does occasionally venture into the Murky Realms of Geek.

Buzz works fine, technically. It looks nice, and the people are as good as me, as bad as I am.

The problem with Google Buzz is simply that it doesn't solve anything. It does not meet an existing need. It gives me something else to do, another toy to play with, without replacing any of the toys I'm playing with already. And to that extent, it's not very useful. Indeed, Buzz is a lot like a commercial for Viagra; if it solves anything, it's a problem that nobody seems to actually have. The similarities abound: As far as I knew, I didn't need the application. And what I got was actually a lingering distraction.

I believe that what we who use computers to be productive and to participate in society need are a few good tools. (Quod erat demonstrandum. Bad ones aren't as good.) Not a plethora of toys to satiate our constantly fluttering attention, but good tools. Let's go with that. Tools.

The problem with two many tools, sometimes, is information overload. Too much info coming from too many directions, and our online world starts to look a lot like this.

Does that mean we shouldn't try new things like Google Buzz? No. It's good to try stuff. It's fun to learn, and it's good for our brains, up to a point. I hoped that there would be a way to aggregate Facebook into Buzz, and have just one such thing, but that doesn't work. And right now, I'm typing this post in Gmail and hoping to publish it through Posterous, which is something I just tried for the first time today. If it works out, it will replace a feature of my blog writing process, and help me be more efficient.

Want to see something slick? Check out http://kimberlin.posterous.com/

So how many social networking apps do I need? None! No, One! No, Two!  Yes, two. One for friends, one for professional contacts. Don't mix them together, faithful reader. Any expert will tell you that. Don't mix business with pleasure. Don't dip your pen in the company … no, that's the wrong analogy.

For personal networking, Facebook is the show that's playing in the big room now. So if you invite me to join Planky or Bink or Splooge, or whatever you're playing with this week, sorry, pass. Yeah, I made those up. But it you know some of the sharing sites, they look real.

Linkedin is the site of preference for professionals networking for business. That's pretty settled too.

More About Tools, Generally 

If you read this blog regularly, you know I've been frustrated about tools more than a little lately. I was thinking about getting a new Office productivity suite, party to keep up with the times and the fun, and partly to keep up my skill set. I tried out Office 2010 and it's pretty cool, but I'm not going that way because it's going to be expensive as hell on hot toast. I tried out OpenOffice, but it doesn't have a replacement for Publisher. But it's free. But I have Word 2003, but I'm bored with it, but it does what I need. Aaargh!

If you're a person who is handy around the house, you might have a set of tools, many of which are similar and might serve the same purpose. Two hammers. A set of wrenches, etc. They do not conflict or cause problems for each other. If you tighten a screw with your 4 inch screwdriver, it's doesn't cause a problem that you also own a six inch screwdriver.

With computers, it's different sometimes. Software can cause conflicts, discontent. Let's say I have a photo that you really want and need tonight. You ask me to fix it up and send it to you. If I open it with Photoshop, polish it, and send it to you in Photoshop's psd format, then go to bed, let us hope you also have Photoshop. A nice jpeg might have been better.

I have OpenOffice and Microsoft Office on my computer, and there are ways I could make real trouble for myself by saving documents in two different word processing formats.

Try installing 2 different antivirus programs and see what happens. Don't try it. I'm being facetious.

It's not always like Dad's tool shed, where he has hundreds of tools in the drawers and hanging on the walls. For every job there is a best tool. Sometimes you have to choose.

Choose wisely.

 

I see everything twice

Without warning, the patient sat up in bed and shouted,

“I see everything twice!”

A nurse screamed and an orderly fainted. Doctors came running up from every direction with needles, lights, tubes, rubber mallets and oscillating metal tines. … A colonel with a large forehead and horn-rimmed glasses soon arrived at a diagnosis.

“It’s meningitis information overload,” he called out emphatically, waving the others back. “Although Lord knows there’s not the slightest reason for thinking so.”

OK, I changed the diagnosis, but otherwise that’s all from my 1961 copy of Catch-22. Chapter 18. The price on the cover is 75 cents. Retail paperback, not used or thrift store. I think the original owner was my Dad, and I remember being told to stay out of the book when I was little. Maybe it’s got some naughty bits, maybe Dad thought it was too weird, I wouldn’t understand it.

Come to think of it, maybe it wasn’t Catch-22 that was Taboo. Maybe it was a Joseph Wambaugh novel. The Blue Knight or something. Doesn’t matter

Today I don’t understand why we’re subjecting ourselves – willingly, hungrily – to so much information overload. It’s making us stupid. Don’t believe me? Well, I’m getting distracted by the message count on my Google Buzz, so I’ll let this funny guy make my point.

That’s a pretty good catch, that Catch-22, and that’s a pretty good trick, seeing everything twice. I’ve been doing it a lot lately, on Buzz and Facebook.

It has been suggested on Google Buzz that Buzz is the thinking person’s Facebook. No Farmville! is the battle cry. But Buzz users are re-posting their Buzz posts on Facebook, to reach the rest of their readership. So I’m seeing everything twice. A new surrealism for the digital age.

How many networking tools do we need? None. Well, at most I need 2: One for fun and friends, one for professional contacts. I use Facebook and Linkedin, respectively.

Google Buzz is only worth keeping, even sitting there in my Gmail interface, if the content it offers is unique. If I’m just seeing the same content I’ve already seen somewhere else, what’s the point? It’s a waste of time.

So if we’re going to do the Buzz thing, can we make a pact? Keep the content there unique?  Otherwise, Buzz truly is redundant and superfluous. 

"You have no respect for excessive authority or obsolete traditions. You’re dangerous and depraved, and you ought to be taken outside and shot!"
Catch-22, Chapter 27