A Summer of Strange Dust

Today was my grandfather’s birthday. We called him Papa though, and he’s in heaven now. And this isn’t about him – or me – but in honor of … inspired by … 

A Glass of Cold Water

The sun rises slowly so that everything – the light, the birdsong, the smell of cooking food – is a long and tender hug. The musicians sleep until noon then sit about the plaza singing dirges as the day gets hot. He remembers his Papa would send him to the kitchen for a “glass of good cold water” on every summer day like this. Then he would take out his pocket knife, with a warning for it’s sharp little blade, and send the boy out to pick tomatoes for lunch in the amazing heat. He grew up with memories of water and fruit, but he still arrived at here and now, and there is no remedy for that.

It has been a summer of strange dust and barking dogs, and the music in the streets is flat. The players strum and knock their guitars with heavy silver rings to keep the beat. They sound like horses walking on stones in the shade. The trees drink all night from somewhere deep beneath the town, and put on clusters of yellow blooms. Any breeze will blow the flowers down around the fountain, to be swept away.

He works all morning, eats too much at noon and by evening he knows that he will never leave this place in all his life. He has an orange tree, clean shirts and a place to sleep in a room in a house that’s a cluster of rooms the use of which he has forgotten long ago. Except the ones for eating, bathing and sleep. All such things he does alone, and cuts many flowers for the dead. He has the music as the day goes by.

His room is hollow, a hollow room in a hollow house. Like living in a musical instrument, a sounding box for playing the noise from the freeway and the breath of the night wind. He sits in it after the sudden slow day, drinking cold water, letting the night play every song it knows. Everything vibrates, trucks brake for merging traffic, and the sun comes up softly again in the dust.

Life has few expectations, makes no demands, in a town this size. Just the little things, kind words and a gentle touch. So he made her breakfast the way she liked it, waited a moment and went out. Every day the same, and the summer ended and the oranges got ripe. The days got long again and he couldn’t keep her anymore. He offered her food and water with ice. He tried holding tight and letting go. Couldn’t think of a prayer except no and no. Which has never stopped the angels from their work.

He wakes up late and finds the blanket kicked to a heap beside the bed. The sun on the shutters is already hot and the horses in the plaza drink from the fountain, stamp on the stones. Or the players knock their rings in the singing air. He sits naked on the bed and wishes it was night again and not so far from here to where she went. Not so much bright and hazy world to search. Maybe he’ll try the closet where she kept her pretty things, or part the air by the trees like a curtain in the heat.

He could slice oranges and lemons with his Papa’s knife, leave them for the birds, for an offering of his solitude. Bittersweet. And a glass of good cold water.

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Love Dogs

For the pilgrims among us.

I am a pilgrim and a stranger
Travelling through this wearisome land
I’ve got a home in that yonder city, good Lord
And it’s not, not made by hand

Two Ponderables from Antonio Machado

 

I love Jesus who told us

the heavens and earth shall pass away.

When the heavens and earth pass away,

my word will remain.

What was your word, Jesus?

Love? Pardon? Affection?

All your words were

one word: Arise.

 

– Antonio Machado

 

~~~

 

In my solitude. I have seen things very clearly that were not true. 

 

– Antonio Machado

Zen and Fanaticism

“When people are fanatically dedicated to political or religious faiths or any other kind of dogmas or goals, it’s always because these dogmas or goals are in doubt.”

– Robert M. Pirsig

Pirsig wrote Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance, a philosophical novel I read during my college days. If you read the book – which I recommend – you’ll find that Pirsig knew a lot about doubt.

Zen was personal reading, not assigned for a class. In fact, I remember it took some effort to convince the professor of a Modern Novels class that it was a novel at all, so that I could write a paper on it. He said I should save Zen for a philosophy paper, and choose a nice novel – something actually fictional – for the assignment. Though he was right, he let me do it anyway. But in order to make his decision, my professor had to read the book, which he did overnight. Over one night.

One of the things I loved about college was that I was surrounded by people far smarter than me. (Or is is smarter than I? …Me. “Smart than I” sounds so pretentious.)

Me still meet smart people, but me don’t feel surrounded anymore.

The prof was Lennis C. Dunlap at Chico State, who co-wrote The Forms of Fiction with the novelist John Gardner. Both brilliant men and that book are, sadly, long since out of print. And my dust jacket is getting a little tattered too.

Another thing I liked about college was that there was very little dogma going on. Within the religion of the double space type and the one inch margins, we were encouraged to put our own twist on Knowledge.

Once we were discussing religion in one of Prof Dunlap’s seminars, and he invited us – optionally – to tell what religious group we belonged to, if any. When it came my turn, as I joke I said, “I’m a Druid – Reformed.” I made that up on the spot and thought it was pretty darn funny. Without missing a beat or blinking an eye, Dunlap said, “Is that a local coven or back home?” It’s been 30 years, and that still makes me smile.

I Witness

I have done a pitiful job, failed
at my simple task, to bear witness
to the love of life and the itch
toward death. A poet’s job
is testimony and the hesitant quest
for the words and their order.
So what have I seen that I ought
to report? What have I overlooked
or failed to recognize? The tree
beyond this window was threadbare,
tattered by the late winter wind.
Now it wears a great coat
of summer leaves. The sun is high
and bright on the last day of June.
Our faces deeply lined now, hair
variegated gray, we heave
from the chair with a groan. But I
never saw the cause of anything,
so I can’t tell you why. We rise
and eat and let our dogs dance
around us in sparks of happiness.
Then for some strange reason, we turn
to the east, lie down and sleep.

 

6.30.2013

I Witness by Kyle Kimberlin
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Risk Factors

James Gandolfini is dead, says the Internet. He was in Rome with his 13 year old son. That is too young to lose your Dad. My heart goes out to that boy, and to the man’s family and friends. 51 is too young to die.

Gandolfini was born in 1961, as was I. We have more than that in common. Risk factors; I’m sure you understand. So I turned away and looked to my blogs, and found Neil Gaiman writing about the death of his friend Iain Banks, who died of gallbladder cancer recently.

Regular readers of Metaphor may recall my post last month, about my own struggles with the gallbladder. Damnable, bilious little thing. I can’t wait to have it out and gone! But I’m perforce working to lose weight first, to reduce the risks of anesthesia.

By Heaven, it will set a man to pondering.

Remember me as you pass by,
As you are now, so once was I,
As I am now, so you will be,
Prepare for death and follow me.

But you know what? Death is really hard to look at, straight on. You have to come at it holding a mirror at an angle, or a shard of broken glass, and pretend not to be looking at all. The greatest common denominator, and the real traffic of all writing and most of human creativity, is elusive in daylight.

Here’s a video, a song for those going on ahead. And may the judgment not be too heavy upon us.

 

OK, here’s another song. This one is for me, maybe for you.

 

Because the sea is good for doing what it does, for cleaning up and washing all away. But the graveyard accepts and is patient, keeping watch, letting the years pass slowly in silence and in light.

— From my flash fiction piece, A Shadow Or A Dream