Life is Messy

Here’s an interesting article and interview on the brain’s adaptability to organization skills, dealing with stress, and experiencing confidence.

“If you learn how your brain works and work with it, you can start to exercise more cognitive control over your own functioning. The first step is to figure out what is it that you really want that being organized will give you. “That’s the fuel that will keep you going when you’re struggling to change your brain,” says Moore. ‘Every time you make a change that lasts, you’re changing your brain.'”

http://goo.gl/HpfMy

Hair Catches Light

This little poem just floated into my head tonight, no fault of mine. It was published in a book a long time ago, and hasn’t seen daylight since. 


Letters of Your Name

Kindness is important
here, where the children have seen
beyond life.

Ice has its own time
and music, but melts
when your hair catches light.

Mercy because of your amazing
face, and grass
can simply hold the dew by force.

by Kyle Kimberlin
Share freely, under this license

The Wind Has Gathered Words

I’m surprised to find that I’ve never shared this flash fiction piece on Metaphor. I like it, not just because I think it’s unique and passable writing but because it was a lot of fun to write.

It had its public debut at my Fused Realities reading with Joseph Gallo in Santa Barbara.

The Good Story

He always tried to be a good story. Through the years, as paragraphs drifted by and settled on his shoulders, he offered no protest. As the wind has gathered words against curbs and gutters, against chain link and picket fences, caught in the weeds that persevere, he simply put them in his pockets, moving on. He is a work of small phrases but that has been his job, to collect these little things and keep them cleared away. He has done it carefully, without complaint. But to take up all of it was just impossible; so much was left behind. It’s not his fault. He’s just one simple story, after all.

It started well enough, and happily, though he was born on a day when it clouded suddenly, rained and stayed dark, and everyone said it was much too late in the year for that sort of weather. They said the ocean seemed to be thinking about something, deeply. And that maybe someone would go out for abalone, dive down and be caught in one of those thickening blue-black thoughts, and not come home. It was that kind of day. The divers saw it and stood on the dock for a long time drinking coffee and shielding their eyes with their free hands, watching the ocean think about death. Then they put their gear away and tossed the dregs of their coffee into the water and went home.

Looking back on it now, he sees they must have known that he was born that day, that he was probably the context, if not the point of view, of all that earnest brooding air. So he’s been held to blame. Post hoc ergo propter hoc.

As a child, he learned to put small things together, line them up. Subject, object, verb. And it was all predicated on time, which he saw laid out before him in great galleys, on a table in the morning sun. He wandered here and there through phrases of melody, past periods when everything seemed to stop. And taking a breath, he would rise and fall again. He was a child on a slide that stood shining in damp grass – the sun was barely even up! – and anything was possible if he followed rules, dropped nothing that was given him to hold or let it

    break away too soon. That’s not so much responsibility. 

The problem comes with wanting to grow, to take on more of self and life, to be an  important story of substance, tinted with green flecks of meaning that glitter across the room. He wanted to be a work like that, a tale to turn heads, drive conversation at parties, be mentioned more than now and then. “Yes, but you really must read …” and they would know his name. So he grew, and took on height beyond a single page of pretense and prefigurement.

As he grew, he took on heaviness and years. He had to slow down from a dance to a trot, then to a less readable jog. Before he learned he had to walk – that the only way to make it through, to find a happy way to end, was to lean back in a comfy chair and take his time about it all – a worse thing happened.

His voice changed. Just a little. You probably wouldn’t have noticed. He didn’t reveal his narrator, or anything so bad as that. But he found his vowels creaking now and then, and when he stood and tried to speak, what rattled out was tinged with grief. He had learned to pick up bits of memory, and use them here and there to start a scene. This is something stories do. It can’t be helped, since future tense is conjectural at best.

So he turned one late spring windy afternoon and went to see his grandfather, who had been a long novella about work and holidays and dogs. Grandpa had been built on backstory himself, so he had so much good advice to give: Keep your lines clean and sharp, stand up straight, and always leave them wanting more. And one last thing, boy. Tell the truth.

It helped. It really helped a while, I think. He tried to going on living well. One word after another, that’s the key to happiness. And if you block, just say the next right thing. But all that doesn’t pay the bills, not in a town this small, not for the long and heavy haul, not on page two of any life that drifts through drafts like this. Sooner or later, everybody makes stuff up.

Like the time he met the unformed ghost of no one in particular, which rose up from a warped and dusty hardwood floor and came at him, and moaned. And how he screamed and hit the screen door at a run, and fell out into the yard. The house stood like a dull and dying thing made of trees in the August heat and laughed at him. A story should be more fun than that, and brave enough to stand and face the unseen world in which it lives. I know that you agree.

He wanted peace. He grew weary of page after page of getting up and eating life, then lying down. He knew what everyone thought about him, that he was the story of a rainy day and the pensive sea and how the men could have died, their bodies swept away, dissolved, digested by the churning engine of the world. He knew it was useless to change the subject after all, that it was carved on his synopsis, and it would mark his grave in fading ink.

One day he got up late, after all the writers were gone for espresso and scones, and their computers were idling with screensavers of lost and knotted pipes. He climbed to the top of the hill; the hill that is bald on the top, weedless, a scorched and freckled pate of rock. He stood and looked down on the harmless, mostly useless town. There were no factories, no feedlot, no winery or mill. What do those people do all day? Just the houses and the school where he started, waiting in line to climb the slide.

I am not a story of the sea, he roared, and the birds scattered from the trees below and all around. I am not a tale of sad weather, not anymore. I am a story of children at a carnival, with a teacup ride and a Ferris wheel. I can tell you about cotton candy and getting sick in the grass, and ring toss games that aren’t quite fair. I know about going from ride to ride with your father, and him buying your ticket for the carousel. I have seen his face grow bright and brighter, every time you come around. And what about the dogs? I could be a story, damn you all, about dogs and how they eat and sleep and play. I could show you a little dog, running in a dream.

We know that that’s not going to happen. We knew from the second paragraph how things would all turn out for him. No easy death, no publishable adventure, no bright turn of phrase to give the reader hope. He’s not that kind of guy. We read near the end of the story Rust Abides. He doesn’t understand the phrase, but feels persistent truth in it, a sense of doom, an unremitting entropy.

We writers have a place for things like him. It’s not an envelope addressed to the big city. Why pay for the postage, just to buy rejection slips? It’s certainly not the wicker waste can by the desk. He’s maybe just a shade too good for that, with all he’s learned and all he’s suffered stoically. He understands what happens now, and you can help by stepping back. Just watch, as he stands and brushes the crumbs of consonants from the front of his shirt and from his jeans, and slips himself quietly into the drawer.

Creative Commons License
The Good Story by J. Kyle Kimberlin
is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.

Marginalia

A few days ago, I mentioned that I’m posting more now on Google Plus, and letting Metaphor tend more toward my own original and creative impulses, for better or for worse. Links to other people’s creative impulses are good, but can live elsewhere.
It’s true and I hope that you have noted my address on Google Plus. There’s a link to it in the right column too.
It’s a transition, though, so here are some things for those of you who haven’t found me on G+ yet.

Here’s the last stanza.

Everything revealed is magical,
splendid in its ordinary shining.
The sun gives birth to rosebushes,
the myrtle, a snow shovel fallen,
overcome on the field of battle.

  • I shall live badly if I do not write, and I shall write badly if I do not live.
– Francoise Sagan
playwright and novelist (1935-2004)
  • If you missed the very beautiful little video I shared called The Piano, scroll down and watch it. It’s worth a couple of minutes.
  • If Web sites came with a printed manual, they would look like this.
  • Dr Weil says don’t go to sleep upset. He doesn’t say what to do about it. Stay up all night?
    I suppose meditating before bed, or talking about it, along with a stiff nightcap, might do the trick.
  • Definition of Marginalia
1: marginal notes or embellishments (as in a book)
2: nonessential items

  • My Google Plus address:

An Old Poem

I wrote this poem for my brother and today is his birthday.
We are still holding fast.

END OF DAYS

In the few cold moments
since my death
I have seen my people
going by. Now I understand
returning home
and remaining away.
We fished orange salmon
from a bridge arched in pain
and rose at three to watch
the moon in the shadow
of the earth.

My mother and father
sleep in their armchairs
and rise up singing hymns.
The sharp November air
has taken the house
the grass is gray
and the birds are gone.
No hope of snow and no
forgetting.

My only brother
his face to the window
is singing
to the miles and the time
behind and forgotten
the words we must say
so we don’t give up.
His words rise like clouds
with thunder and trembling
becoming San Francisco rain.

The birds which are gone
had wings of wet lapis
and the voice of the choir
of heaven. But even I, who was
dead, know the true cost:
the quiet lost, the fear
of telephones, or light
beneath a door. All we can do
is love, hold fast, let go.

(C) 1992 J. Kyle Kimberlin
From the book Finding Oakland

The Moon on my Drapes

I like this poem – no, I’m proud of this poem – and haven’t shared it with anyone in a long time. It was originally published in Pembroke, the literary journal of the University of North Carolina. I’ve never been to North Carolina, but maybe one of these days… I imagine many trees.





THE SHADOW OF FERNS

Some night you will be cold
and alone.  Maybe an animal
is crying outside or the wind
is dragging a branch of palm
across the roof and it wakes you.
If you love me, say my name aloud. 

There is no ceremony.
Just say it once or twice
into the darkness, or into the cool
electric glow of your lamp.
Say it slowly to a patch of moonlight
on the rug. 

Maybe I will hear it, as I stare
at the vague shadow of ferns
cast by the moon on my drapes.
Then say it for hope, for life,
for the distance between us.




Creative Commons License
Shadow of Ferns by J. Kyle Kimberlin is licensed under a
Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 United States License.

Reminder: More stuff is there for you at profiles.google.com/kkimberlin.