I Wish

I wish that back in high school and college, we had been assigned to read more poems like Snow at the Farm by Joyce Sutphen, and a bit less Wordsworth, Shelley, Milton, and the like. I might have found a shorter path to begin finding my own voice. Because I think poetry – modern stuff at least – is best written about the simple, but hard to speak of, ordinary moments of our lives.

 

Wishing

There is a light
beyond the window
and leaves beyond the light
and the clock pretending life
against the wall
and me in the midst of it
wishing for you

 

Hear an audio reading of this poem:

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I’m sure there will be time

This little poem is starting to get a bit long in the tooth, as they say, and it’s never been shared publically. So it’s time, and it’s about time.

The dog mentioned here went on to the heaven of all dogs several years ago. And frankly, I miss talking to her a lot more than than I miss the woman to whom the poem speaks. So it goes.

This piece will probably be included in a collection of poems and flash fiction which I hope will be published soon. It’s almost finished!

Which reminds me to mention that I am grateful for the time that people give to reading my humble posts. It does not elude me that your time and attention are a gift. Thank you, very much.

Certain Streets

Time passes, so I get up
every morning. I have
soap that smells insanely
like spring in Ireland,
or a waterfall. I brush my hair
and talk to the dog while
calculating how long
it has been since you called.

Seven months, so I drive to work.
The yellow fog burns back
to the water’s edge and leaves
a brilliant path for me.

I slip along the edge of clarity
and listen as the stock market drops
through the morning light.
If time goes on, I have lunch
in the park and everything

hums through the day;
computer, printer, people
and lights. At three o’clock
I have coffee, then drive home
at dusk through certain streets
where I see you float, silk
on a breeze of unremitting weeks.

Should I call? I’m sure
there will be time, some morning,
evening, afternoon, when the clock
is resting in a shadow on the wall.

 

Here is an audio reading of this poem. The clock chiming in the background was purely coincidental, but I decided to leave it as is.

[audio http://kylekimberlin.com/audio/certain_streets.mp3]

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Certain Streets by J. Kyle Kimberlin
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Should I Revisit Bukowsky?

Yesterday’s poem from The Writer’s Almanac was No. 6 by Charles Bukowsky. His work is not what I think of when I think of delicacy or sensitivity of observation. But he shows some of that in this piece.

Maybe I’ve misjudged him, based on the only book I’ve read cover to cover, Love Is A Dog From Hell. It troubled and disturbed, as I recall; I wanted somebody to drag his ass to an AA meeting, then maybe to Disneyland. The man needed an attitude adjustment, was my opinion.

What do I know? Anyway, here’s No. 6 by Charles Bukowski.

Something to Hold

Listen: http://kylekimberlin.com/audio/something_to_hold.mp3%20%20%20size=1

It didn’t hurt at all, you know. In case you’re wondering. He stepped out of his house on a Tuesday morning, with the sky mostly sunny but for a line of light gray clouds over the hills, with a core of darker gray keeping it cool.

He stooped to pick up the Times by the lace begonia in its iron pot, meaning to tuck it under his arm. Instead, his body landed on the brick sidewalk. His nose was crunched and his glasses broken, but by then his spirit was already here in the garden, walking slowly – a little stiff and tentative from the jump – but with a sense of mission.

Everyone arrives here looking for something. For everyone a totem, a touch stone of the world that fades away becoming bone chips and tree roots. God knows what the thing might be. They hold it a moment to remember, then forget, then they can move on.

A coat, a cup, a bicycle, a ring with a stone of lapis lazuli. A doll. Something that meant the world to them down there. I remember a woman who came and found an orange tree she ate from as a child.

Well, he moved through the garden, beginning to loosen up and find his pace. I was sitting on a rock, just watching, and thought I would give him a hand. Like the guy in the parking lot after the late movie, who just happens to have jumper cables when your car won’t start.

Morning, I said.

He stopped and looked at me on my rock.

Are you looking for something? I asked.

My box.

Really? Tell me about it.

Well it’s about this big, for holding pencils. But that’s not what I kept in it. My Dad made it for me when I was in fourth grade.

What did you keep in it?

Just junk. Couple of hot wheels cars, Indian head nickel, magnifying glass, a pen to write in four colors, a blue ribbon from the Veterans’ Day parade.

So you’re looking for the box, not the stuff inside?

It had my initials carved in the lid.

Right.

I left the rock and moved to him. I handed him the box. He looked at it, held it, opened it to see that everything was there. He held it and believed.

 

 

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Something To Hold by Kyle Kimberlin
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The Shivers

There is a tree at the end of this street,
which only appears in the rain, and broken
bits of blue glass around the trunk.
We know nothing but the sound of water
in the ditch. Why is there nothing?

A man lived here once and you
saw him coming and going
from his house. He lived here
and was quiet and kept
many questions in his heart.
In time, he died one night
of the shivers. Not of the cold,
because it was summer and all
the windows were open.
The people slept without blankets
under half a moon.
Be he started shivering anyway
and could not stop.

Passing dogs bark at the house where
no one lives. And there we see the tree
and shards of blue glass. We stop
and listen to a river with nothing
to say. Why does it say nothing?

 

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Up Too Close

What kind of writer are you? Do you focus on plot and story or language, color and mood? Do you outline? Do you get the basic story out and come back to refine, or do you work each sentence or line until it’s finely wrought before you move on?

I tend to focus on the language and hope and pray that something of a story – or the message of a poem – will appear in time. I get so close to sentences when I’m writing, that usually couldn’t tell you if there will be anything at all when I step back from the canvas and view it from across the room.

Sometimes I work on a poem for a while, refining it, then I realize it’s about something I didn’t even see or understand until it was ready to share with someone else.

A recent tip from Poets & Writers magazine suggested identifying these characteristics in ourselves, then trying to reverse them as an exercise. http://goo.gl/7VnDn

I don’t know if I can. I have a lot of room to grow in my craft so I’m willing to try. But it’s not going to be easy. When I sit down at the desk, I only have a sentence, if I’m lucky. A thought, a fragment.

He has spent everything he inherited on keeping the rain away. 

After too many years, the dog refused to come into the house.

Though he would never taste it again in this life, he remembered the smell of her soup.

It’s not exactly stuff that lends itself to broad strokes of the brush, if you see what I mean. And though I made up those three sentences extemporaneously within this post, with no intention of using them for anything (but you never know), you can bet I edited each one at least once.

How do we become the kind of artist we are? Well, in my case I wrote poetry exclusively for many years, and poetry is much more a word-by-word process than writing prose. Do you agree?

Also,I take much of my inspiration from fragments of conversations overheard, from songs in my headphones as I write, from photographs. From the little things.

For example, the song Such Great Heights by The Postal Service [http://www.postalservicemusic.net/] was playing on the iPod just now. I was listening to it a year or two ago when I wrote a scene in which the protagonist imagines his life after the departure of his parents.

Here’s a stanza of their song:

They will see us waving from such great
Heights, ‘come down now,’ they’ll say
But everything looks perfect from far away,
‘come down now,’ but we’ll stay…

Here’s what I wrote in response:

I would rather have had them see me waving down from on high, bearing an enigmatic smile born in the lessons taught outside of time and space, of how perfect life is and how much better than life is death. So people die, but they keep watch on what we do and how we spend our fading days, but most don’t choose to stay too close. Everything looks purer in its blues and greens–even the dull brown between the trees and the ruddy drying tack of our blood on the land–from an infinite distance like heaven.

A nice little bit of writing, a good detail. My problem, to reiterate, is that I think the opposite will be true when I “finish” the novel I’m working on. It might look pretty good close up, it small details here and there, but when you step back, just a forest receding into the trees.

Thoughts?

*   *   *

Want to reach that Poets & Writers Magazine link with your smartphone? Here’s a QR code for you.

poets_writers_post_link_20130110a

Adrift

A long time has passed since my last post here. It’s troubling, for a guy who used to post daily. But the fall and winter have found me pacing the focs’le, adrift deep in the horse latitudes. No wind in my currents, and it’s even more disturbing that through my glass I see in the distance many good ships with full sails and following seas, moving well.

So I thought I would start the new year by sharing a testimonial, a tribute to the worth, the efficacy, the abounding helpfulness of my work. Just to motivate and cheer me up, you know? This was received by email through the contact form on my website, from someone in Asia, I believe.

vbzdmaqxmm@gmail.com
Message
I simply wished to thank you very much once again. I am not sure what I could possibly have created in the absence of the actual ways provided by you concerning this industry. Completely was a horrifying circumstance in my circumstances, however , seeing a professional avenue you processed it took me to cry over contentment. I will be happier for this assistance and thus believe you know what a great job you happen to be carrying out teaching people all through a web site. Most probably you have never got to know all of us.

I truly don’t know what to say. How very kind. I only wish I had the time to follow the accompanying link, to see what sort of adventure it might portend.

Final Kindness

In those increasingly scarce and scattered moments when I can find the time and also muster the clarity to do what I love, and write, I’ve been committing homicide. I mean I’ve been writing the death scene of a principal characters of my novel. You see, the grandfather, whom the protagonist loves deeply, dies in his bed in a nursing home.

It has been extremely difficult to write, and not for the reason you might suppose: that it makes me want to cry, remembering my own grandparents. The hardest part of writing a scene like this isn’t seeing the screen through tear-blurred eyes, it’s simply telling the truth. It’s hard enough to tread such painfully common ground while making the story up, but being emotionally honest about fictitious death is a bitch. Your own experiences must inform, but not overwhelm, the work. You don’t want to be maudlin, because real death rarely is. But letting your prose fall flat, infected by indifference, is even worse.

Here are two little snippets of the current draft.

* * *

Some of the crows lift away, others fly in. They alight and are instantly still. Papa reaches out between the railings of the bed and grabs the sleeve of my jacket. It startles me. He hasn’t touched anyone in quite a while. It’s never been like him to touch, but his eyes are locked on my face, their blue lost in the flat gray light from the window.

“You better call the dogs. I can’t whistle for ‘em anymore.”

“They’re coming, Papa. I can hear them coming back.”

“Martin, you ain’t amounted to the man I hoped you would.”

“I know. I’m sorry.” The bracelet on his tiny wrist is blue plastic with a white tag I can’t read. It might say something important too.

* * *

I felt cheated and deprived. I have always thought the world should change dramatically when someone dies. The sun should rise draped in black bunting, casting the sky in deep purple for a day or two. Or angels lead a band of pipes and drums slowly through the orchard at a mournful march, while the bald canals run backwards, sending dark water back to its high and snowy source.

Death had no right to blithely change the structure of my life, as if a storm had torn the pilings out from beneath a flimsy dock. I was angry because this proved that what we know to be inevitable sometimes really does come true, and that my special family didn’t rate a break from it. We don’t have much, don’t ask for a lot from life or from God. So it just seems right to claim deferment now and then from death’s old harvesting machinery. And it angers me to think that Papa was cheated. He waited all those years for his better life to start and I don’t know if it ever did. Then he waited all that night, cold and alone, in (the) funeral home, to learn what acts of final kindness he had earned for all his work, and all his love for us. That is a kind of loneliness we never learn about in life.

* * *

So, what is the most difficult or daunting experience for you to right about? Please leave your thoughts in the comments.