Something is wrong with the coffee, gentle readers. Terribly wrong, with all of it. Coffee doesn’t smell like itself anymore. It has no flavor. I used to like opening a can of coffee and taking a nice, long sniff. It smelled wonderful. Not anymore. No matter where I go for it, or if I brew it here at home, it’s the same. It’s bland, it tastes like hot water with sweetener and milk. It must be a communist plot.

Surely I can’t be alone in this grave, portentious observation, right?

If you’re looking for a cup of coffee here in Carpinteria, my home town, I’m afraid your options are limited. You want to avoid the Starbucks on Casitas Pass Road. Just stay away. Although once you get inside, you’ll find a nicely remodled store and the coffee is fine (bland, but fine), and the service is good, the space around it simply sucks. You have to brave a gauntlet of people smoking at the tables just outside the door. And if you sit at one of the few outside tables, you’ll find yourself seated in a large and bushy ashtray. Seriously, the area around this place is disgusting, dirty, and unkept. It is never swept or hosed down at all. No pride. And the inside is only nice because it’s new; the interior reflects what I presume to be a Starbucks trend of trying to keep their customers moving. There are only a few places to sit; most of the tables were removed and the barristas’ work area greatly enlarged. This is not a coffeehouse where a writer can set his cup of drip beside his laptop and get a little work done. I don’t think Starbucks loves writers anymore at all.

There is a Coffee Bean at the corner of Linden and Carpinteria Avenue, and it’s nice enough. Good service, decent bland coffee. But again, there are problems. Parking is the first you’ll notice. This store has no parking lot. There is a public lot behind the block, but it’s not very close. Kind of a pain. Worse, there are not nearly enough tables and chairs for the clientele. I’d guess about 4 small tables inside, and about the same outside. Another coffeehouse that doesn’t want its customers dawdling. I’d give it a pass.

On Casitas Pass Road near the Blockbuster and Subway, there’s a little coffee place called Caje. The coffee is really good, for organic bland stuff. There’s wi-fi. There’s one sofa and one table, I believe.

What is it with this town? They don’t want their customers hanging around, talking with friends, doing some work, buying another cup?

In short, skip Carpinteria for coffee. Head on in to Montecito or Santa Barbara for your cup of joe. More on the opportunities there in a later post.