One of these days, I’m going to start keeping a daily list of things I don’t understand. Then I’m going to write a book.
I don’t understand why people want meetings to be longer, instead of shorter.
I don’t understand why people are still driving like bats belched from the infernal depths, with gas at four bucks a gallon.
and I don’t understand Facebook.
I got it all set up and did my profile and my fun wall, etc. I have some friends, so I’ve been prodded or needled or something once or twice. But now it’s just sitting there.
Can anyone explain for me what the thing is supposed to do? More to the point, what am I supposed to do with it? I mean, I feel like there was a lot of hype. I heard Facebook mentioned many times. Barack Obama had a Facebook page before I did, and John Edwards, and several of my friends. But now, you know what it reminds me of? The college degree hanging here in my office.
It’s a nice thing, for sure. You’re expected to have one. Took a long time to set it up, and more than a few moments of abyssal bewilderment. Now it just hangs there. Which am I referring to, Facebook or the Bachelor of Arts? Well, both. This is a comparison paragraph.
Now for the contrast: The BA says something on it like, With All The Rights and Privileges Pertaining Thereto. Facebook makes no such grandiose pronouncements. And I remember that I asked: Back at the university, I tried to find out just what Rights and Privileges I was now entitled to. I thought, and suggested, maybe free alumni parking and admission to football games would be nice. But no one could tell me.
That’s where the contrast ends, because no one can tell me what a pragmatist might expect to glean from Facebook either. Somebody needs to come along and give me a better job and show me how all this passive-aggressive networking makes us all happy.
Metaphor 
Yep, you have to register. But I don’t think it’s under penalty of perjury. … I hope not.
So, do I have to sign in? That means I have to divulge information — another source from which I can be hunted down.
Dude. I have a generation? Oh yeah. Dagnabbit.
What’s a beer pong? Is that different than a beer bong? Why, back in my day we could drink 2, 3 beers at a time. These young’uns today wouldn’t know a hangover from a handsaw. Ha.
Oh Kyle,
You might be a little out of the age range for too much facebook fun. Think of facebook as the coffee shop of a generation addicted to a virtual reality. Pictures, events, and profiles are the bagels, muffins, and coffee. Drama is the caffeine. If you meet a girl you like, you go check out her facebook to find conversation starters, or, for the creepy, you lust while looking at their 643 pictures. Your generation is addicted to the real world, and therefore won’t fall in love with fbook like our youth. Is it really that great? No. But on the plus side, I have 429 friends and can quickly and efficiently tell each one of them to come to my house this weekend for beer pong (if I were so inclined).