not so sure about me

Yesterday, I stopped by the grocery store and picked up a squirt bottle of ketchup. Del Monte ketchup. It was only a buck, on sale. But I must say that when I got it home, I was very impressed. In fact, what I found filled me with abiding hope. Behold.


My little bottle of squirtable tomato stuff is going to be around long after the United States has passed into obscure and debatable history. If I don’t propel it onto my al dente new potatoes, it will outlive our progeny to about 40 generations. A thousand years from now – April 3008 – when the marbles of Capitol Hill and Wall street have been cannibalized for a giant Wal*Mart, the likes of which we can hardly imagine, my ketchup will live on. I’m not so sure about me.

3 thoughts on “not so sure about me

  1. If it contains that many preservatives, I'd be real leery about eating it, Kyle. Maybe use it for spackle in a red room, but not on your fries – it just can't be good for you.But then I eat Heinz, and the only ones with the funny ("Not Green") labels. Side note – one of the restaurants in town had to stop serving Heinz because so many Republicans complained about that "John Kerry ketchup". And that's a true story.

  2. 1) Nope, it says April 3008. That's my story and I'm sticking to it. Otherwise, this joke of mine simply won't work. So there. I happen to know that the last remaining bottle of ketchup from the year 08 reposes in one of the two fridges of a Jewish family in Queens. And it's worth noting that They still don't eat pork. 2) The Best By date is on the top of the cap. I'm not totally OCD about my condiments.

  3. Two questions: (1) You know you misread the label, right? It actually staledates the bottle as of April 30, in the year 08. So Mary could have used it on Jesus' ham (oops, they didn't eat pork back then) chicken sandwich. Amazing to realize that del Monte is still in business after all those years.(2) Who–besides you–reads the staledate on the bottom of a ketchup bottle?

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