Category Archives: fun

electric blues

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  • These are called Lectric Flowers. Not Electric flowers, Lectric. My Dad planted them from seeds sent from Arkansas by my cousin — seeds which belonged to my great grandmother. Not quite grain from the bowels of a pyramid, but nothin’ to sneeze at either.

    Pretty, aren’t they? I’ve never seen them before. And they grow pretty tall; the tallest in this picture is around 5 feet. Here are more photos of them, along with some sweatpeas and stuff.

  • We had ourselves a power failure in Carp today. Four hours it was out. I had no particular plans for using my electricity during that time, but still hate it when there’s no juice. And it was worse than usual. Both of the supermarkets were closed, and the big drug store. Starbucks closed and never did reopen, which I thought showed a lack of fortitude. I guess you might say they didn’t have the beans.

    The best thing about a power failure – except that sometimes you get a chance to read a book – is that feeling you get when it comes back on. “Hot damn, my toys are workin’ again! Sweet.”

  • Since metaphor hopes to be a clean well-lighted, literary place, these lines of Whitman:

I SING the Body electric;
The armies of those I love engirth me, and I engirth them;
They will not let me off till I go with them, respond to them,
And discorrupt them, and charge them full with the charge of the Soul.

Was it doubted that those who corrupt their own bodies conceal themselves;
And if those who defile the living are as bad as they who defile the dead?
And if the body does not do as much as the Soul?
And if the body were not the Soul, what is the Soul?

2008 Economic Stimulus Package

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Uncle Kyle’s e-mail of the day:

Q. What is an Economic Stimulus Payment?
A. It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers.

Q. Where will the government get this money?
A. From taxpayers.

Q. So the government is giving me back my own money?
A. Only a smidgen.

Q. What is the purpose of this payment?
A. The plan is that you will use the money to purchase a HDTV set,
thus stimulating the economy.

Q. But isn’t that stimulating the economy of China ?
A. Shut up.

two quarters

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A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, “This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you.”

The barber picks up a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, “Which do you want, son?”

The boy takes the quarters and leaves.

“What did I tell you?” said the barber. “That kid never learns!”

Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store. “Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?”

The boy licked his cone and replied, “Because the day I take the dollar, the game’s over.”

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category me

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Finally, Kyle is among the names given to tropical cyclones in the Atlantic. I have waited so many years for this, and the fact that the names were announced – or at least the news reached me – on my birthday yesterday makes it oh so much sweeter.

When I was a kid, I was one of maybe 5 guys named Kyle in the U.S., including the famous soccer player Kyle Rote. Now it’s a very popular name. It’s gotten to the point that if I’m in a store and hear a woman yell something like, “Kyle get over here. Put that down! No you can’t have a toy,” I barely look around.

So many times, we have been passed up by less popular names like Hugo. Now at last we have a shot at the title! We can be somebody – a contender. A Kyle could be a Category 5!

I’m so excited. And I’ll be watching the eastern Atlantic as the summer bears on. The way travel costs are going, this may be the only way a Kyle ever gets a Caribbean vacation.

no april’s fool, i

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I know it’s April Fool’s Day. Or April’s Fools Day. I’m not into it, just so you know. Since later childhood, I’ve had an aversion to practical jokes. Not all jokes mind you, but the ones that demand a suspension of disbelief in rectitude of benign reality, and cause the victim to fear calamity.

So I won’t believe there’s a spider in my hair today, or that my pants are on fire, or even that I’ve won the lottery.

If you’re up for something pretty darn funny, but a little twisted toward the winds of early Spring, here’s a clip.

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thought for the day

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Some people are like slinkies: They are not really good for anything . But they still bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of stairs.

Have a good Friday. I hope yours is a lot shorter than mine is going to be .


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Conundrum

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Hey now, I just had an apostrophe epiphany.

I was sitting here with my laptop pulled up to the sofa, watching The Captain, and thinking that it would be cool to be a writer on a clever funny show like that. I’ll bet, said I to myself, that those guys have a blast writing that.

My next thought was something along the lines of If I was a writer on that show, I probably wouldn’t be sitting on my ass watching TV. And that’s when it hit me:

People who have the kind of life I want make a living creating stuff to entertain people like me, who don’t. And if I had the life I want, I certainly wouldn’t have time for the life I have.

Is there a conundrum in there somewhere? Maybe.

I’ll think about some more after Two and a Half Men.

Tres existential.

and miles to go for a cup of joe

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Here’s a recipe which serves me well on nights like this, which happens to be the longest night of the year.

Uncle Kyle’s Solstice Decaf Mocha, ala Cheapo.

First you make a small pot of decaf coffee.
Pour some coffee into a favorite Christmas coffee mug (example pictured).
Add 1 packet sweetener (optional).
Add 1 small squirt coffee creamer, preferably fat free (optional).
From the cupboard, produce one packet instant hot chocolate mix, preferably sugar free.
Add about a third to a half packet of the chocolate mix.
Note: If you’ve wandered off into impending Winter without some of this stuff, Heaven help you. And don’t use the whole packet; you’re making mocha, not pudding. Besides even the low cal stuff is 60 calories a pop.
Stir languidly but with pensive sincerity, while staring out the kitchen window at your Christmas lights – or at the back-splash, doesn’t matter – until bored.
Serve hot and sip while blogging insipidly into the abyss.


(click to enlarge)

Shot with my phone, so not a great picture. But yep, the flier in the background really says “Join Us for a Holiday Party at the Pool !!!” That’s from the homeowners association. Took place last Friday: Christmas party, outdoors, by the pool. At night. Kids watched Rudolph and his nose struggle against the vice grip of prejudice on our portable giant screen system. Don’t you wish you lived here? I do.

Anyway, there’s a pretty amazing moon out there, so it’s not the darkest evening. But while you’re enjoying a steaming mug of Uncle Kyle’s Solstice Mocha ala Cheapo, here’s a poem for the longest evening of the year.

Stopping By Woods On A Snowy Evening
– Robert Frost

Whose woods these are I think I know.
His house is in the village though;
He will not see me stopping here
To watch his woods fill up with snow.
My little horse must think it queer
To stop without a farmhouse near
Between the woods and frozen lake
The darkest evening of the year.
He gives his harness bells a shake
To ask if there is some mistake.
The only other sound’s the sweep
Of easy wind and downy flake.
The woods are lovely, dark and deep.
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.