HBD, me

Yep, today’s my birthday. Yay!

48

What?

You’re 48, Kyle.

Get outta town.

Really.

Dang. How’d that happen?

You keep winding the clock in the living room; no one to blame but yourself. Meanwhile, the seemingly organized collision of molecules – order out of chaos – which resulted in the quality Kyle falls under the Second Law of Thermodynamics: the entropy of an isolated system always increases. … can’t be helped. Not with a bang but a whimper, and all that.

Wow, you made that crap up, didn’t you?

Sort of. Happy birthday anyway. Here’s a cartoon. Today’s Calvin & Hobbes is perfectly on point for the day.

More coffee!

streetsleepers

Something kinda strange is going on in Carpinteria, my home town.

Lately, I’ve been noticing a lot more people than usual sleeping on the grass in public places. I’m not talking about somebody taking a nap – or seemingly passed out – in the shade, in an out-of-the-way public park. I’m talking about people unconscious, face down, on the lawns right next to busy city streets. Today, there was somebody crashed right in front of the middle school, with a bicycle fallen beside them. Judging by the size, it was an adult, supine and sucking sod not 10 feet from the sidewalk on our busiest downtown street. Catchin’ some Z’s.

There was a cop car heading in that direction, so maybe the deputy took care of the situation. The streetsleeper was gone when I passed by again, a short time later.

I don’t think it should be illegal to catch a nap in the park, but not in front of the school. The kids don’t need to be stepping over the grownups. It ain’t right. And I would really prefer to see maybe a jacket spread on the ground, or a sweater used as a pillow, or anything that would lend to the reasonable impression that the person intended to be horizontal at that place and time. I mean I’ve seen several streetsleepers now, and they all look like they just had a sudden argument with gravity and lost.

What’s going on? Is there something in the water? I won’t drink the local swill, so maybe I’ll be the last man standing in Carp.

need

He who sees a need and waits to be asked for help is as unkind as if he had refused it.

-Dante Alighieri, poet (1265-1321)

I am seriously concerned that our recent voter rebellion in California will make it impossible to help if asked, and to get help regardless of desperation.

People just voted No on everything as if doing so would make a point, a great gesture of voter defiance. I don’t think anybody read the ballots, let alone understood them. I’ve been to college and law school, and I found the texts obscure and badly written.

Not to put too fine a point on it, I think we the people of California have really peed in our chili this time.

deadhead

Remember when I went up to visit my brother and go to hear The Dead? Did I mention we used to go to Grateful Dead shows pretty often? Well, we did. Here’s proof. That’s me, back in the day, in my tie dye. 1989? 1990? Who knows.

God knows what has become of the shirt; I guess it’s possible I have it in a box somewhere. The bandana I have for sure, and close to hand. My Tasha used to wear it sometimes, and now it’s lining a drawer in my dresser. The one where I keep my watches and keepsakes and stuff. Seems right enough.

Maybe you’re expecting some Dead lyrics to end the post. That’s something I would do, no doubt. So let’s not. I’m in the mood for a little Colin Hay, convinced as I am that it’s a beautiful world

And still this emptiness persists
Perhaps this is as good as it gets
When you’ve given up the drink and those nasty cigarettes
Now I leave the party early at least with no regrets
I watch the sun as it comes up
I watch it as it sets
Yeah this is as good as it gets.

– Colin Hay

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Draggin’ Up

I love the idioms of American speech, especially Western and Southern people. Well, that’s what I know. I try to give my characters every chance to speak as I’ve heard the real people in my life. Especially my grandparents.

There’s a story about my uncle, who worked for a while in the late 1960s in the oil exploration near Jeaneu AK. When he decided to quit, he went and told the foreman he was draggin up. Then he went to wait for the helicopter to take him to town. It came, and the pilot said he’d made his last flight for the day. My uncle replied that he had drug up. The pilot said too bad, next flight tomorrow. My uncle said that was OK. Instead of taking him to town, the pilot could just take an ass-kickin where he stood. So they took off and flew to town.

Good stuff, Maynard.

I’m draggin’ up means I’m gathering my possibles (belongings, tools, etc.), I’m packin my grip, and I’m leaving.

Line from an old song, title lost in memory but stored somewhere on the iPod:

Don’t give me no lip or I’ll pack my grip.

Isn’t that great? A grip, of course, being a small bag or suitcase; a smallish container for clothing, usually with a handle and a clasp or buckle strap.

It’s pretty rare for me to get away with using my favorite idiomatic speech in conversation. The only person who really gets it is my Dad. Which makes sense, because I learned most of it from him.

Once in the office, as some of us were draggin up for the day, I said, I feel like I’ve been rode hard and put away wet. This is an old cowboy expression. It’s not good to ride your horse hard and put it away without drying and brushing; your horse can get sick. But one of the women thought it had something to do with human sex, and took offense, and I had to apologize. Idiot lacks idioms. Your mother tongue has nothing to do with getting kissed by your mama.

I feel like I been drug through a knothole, et by a bobcat and shat off a cliff.

inspirations

When I was in college, our poetry writing professor gave us this big dose of end-of-the-year wise advice on successful writing:

Go forth and read.

Well, sure. That is actually very wise. And true. But in the years that have followed, I have come to the conclusion that it is insufficient. Here’s what I wish he had said:

Go forth and read, then go forth and fail.

I think the best thing a writer – or a musician, or any artist – can do to become better at their craft is to court failure. Embrace it, love it, give it a cold wet doggie lick in the ear. Because I have learned far more from every mincing, effete, weasel-breathed sentence that failed to thrive than I have from a dozen whole pieces that worked pretty well right off the bat. It’s good to be good, but it teaches you nothing about getting better.

As a sailboat tacks back and forth to find the wind by almost losing it, and as the pitcher gets a strike across the plate by being for a heartbeat just almost misunderstood, everything finds its way forward by making mistakes.

Gloria Steinem said, “Writing is the only thing that, when I do it, I don’t feel I should be doing something else.” I read that and I thought about a little. She felt atoned to her vocation, and right in the hours as they passed. How nice.

Here’s mine: “God help me to keep writing until I don’t feel as though I ought to be doing something else.” In other words, I’d like to feel like Steinem does, someday. … Act as if he had faith (or talent or skill) and faith shall be added unto you. … Fake it, ’til you make it. I’d like to feel like writing is the right thing to do, and not a naive self indulgence, an avoidance of real work.

So why do I feel that way? Why does anyone who is or wants to be creative so unsure, so steeped in anxious doubt that the motley rabbit is going to appear from the hat? Maybe because the life of art is in fact a naive self indulgence, an avoidance of real work. Or so They say, and we listen to Them because they might be right, and then we make the mistake of listening to ourselves relay the prophecy.

When I was up north visiting my bro, I listened to him and others play guitars and sing, and I woke up the next day wishing I had kept playing the guitar years ago. And wishing I had a guitar now. (It’s not too late, right?) Because it looks and sounds like so much fun. And when I got back home, I opened the piano and played it, and have a few times since. It’s enjoyable, and one cool thing about it is that people expect you to need time to practice. Even if you’re pretty good, you have to practice. They don’t see that writing is the same. You have to read a lot, then you have to practice for hours and hours, and much of the result, the objective product, of that practice simply sucks. But it’s OK because out of all that insufferable suckage may someday come a song … or a book.

Everybody shut up, and that includes me. My muse has a bad habit of obsequious mumbling, and I’m trying to hear her.

Thank you for your support.

blogging on down the road

I guess I took a break from blogging for a while there, and not because I didn’t have stuff going on and something to say about it. Maybe you just didn’t need to hear about it. So, you’re welcome. … I’m teasing, but sometimes it’s good to live a life that’s at least undocumented; the unexamined life might be worth living after all, at least occasionally.

For a few days, I was up in northern California, visiting bro Joe, Linda, and little T. It was a good visit; I had a lot of fun. I even enjoyed the 16 hour round trip up and down the San Joaquin Valley. There can be something palliative about a long drive in a car alone. Your own air-conditioned fortress of solitude – atomic batteries to power, turbines to speed – with 2200 songs on the iPod. It’s good for the mind.

We went to see and hear The Dead at Shoreline Amphitheater in Mountain View. It was the first time we’d seen them since before Jerry Garcia died, and that was in 1995. They’re older, but so are we. The music was great. It went on for at least four hours, and there were songs to fill the air.

The road to the show took us past Google. We passed it and passed it, and when I was sure we were past it, we kept passing it. The company’s facilities are huge. Here’s a photo. Seems like that can’t be all of it; I think I saw annex buildings in other blocks. But I don’t know the area. I’ve read that it’s a cool place to work, forward-thinking and people-oriented. Which is nice. And I like their online content a lot, except for Blogger. But don’t get me started on that again.

Nephew T, who’s 8 now, went to the show with us. Now he’s an official Deadhead just like the grownups. We were in the lawn section, so after he danced up a little storm for the first set, his folks bundled him up on the ground between them and he slept through the rest of the concert. Which is fine. A lot of folks don’t remain conscious throughout the whole thing. And I’m sure T remembers the evening better than any number of people in their 20s who were there.

I remained alert, and thought the music was fine. It was what I remember from happy concerts of the past, though of course we all miss Jerry.

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