nothing there

Well I guess I’ve still got this blog thing going, though I’ve been neglecting it a little lately. I’ve been preoccupied, and doing more worrying and fussing than thinking. When I try to put my finger on something I’ve been thinking about lately — beyond the heart’s poor, sore tremblings in the face of the monolithic Moment — there’s nothing there. So it goes. Here’s a new poem.

Life Comes

Imagine a bowling ball was left
in the center of a large parking lot
in the darkness of early morning.
Maybe the parking lot of a Wal-mart
store, with no cars. So picture
the fade-in: the camera slowly
pulls back from the surface
of this black bowling ball
on the pitch black tarmac.
Black on black, deep blue,
a line of gray as something
more than nothing finally
comes with the sun still
cold beyond the blunted hills.

No one can be blamed
for all of this, least of all
the sleeping animals, dead
to the world which is dead
to them, but a soft
and indefensible hope for the day.
So I rise passively, already surrendered,
knowing life has come for me again,
that whatever comes for me between
this hot shower and the hour when
I pull the sheet over my head
and pretend to be hidden again tonight,
none of it is personal. It’s just
another day on its own terms.

J. Kyle Kimberlin
Draft, June 2, 2006

Peace Activists Punished with Pepper Spray

Police and sheriff’s deputies clad in riot gear fired at least four rounds of pepper spray in an hour after asking the demonstrators several times to stop, authorities said. No one was arrested, but paramedics were dispatched to treat some activists.

Dozens of demonstrators crouched in the port plaza, dousing each other’s eyes with water and offering slices of onion to soothe their throats.

“It burned. I couldn’t open my eyes for 20 minutes,” said Rachel Graham, among those hit. “My face is burning. I dunked my face in water and in Puget Sound.”

“The majority were very peaceful, nonviolent, just exercising their constitutional rights,” sheriff’s Capt. Bradley Watkins said.

Same as it ever was.  We have a government that divides the nation and separates us from the rest of the world.  Demonstrators can be pretty stupid when mob rule kicks in. I mean, what good is busting through a fortified gate into the port?  You can’t do anything inside that you can’t do outside.  And the cops … well, they are cops because they get a certain satisfaction from inflicting punishment. 

brave


brave
Originally uploaded by kylekimberlin.

I made this image in photoshop, from two photos I took. I made it for wallpaper, but also posted it to Flickr. I know that many, if not most, of the people who use Flickr are more purists than I am, and frown a bit at heavy digital manipulation of images. I have a different opinion. I consider “post-production” to be an extension of the creative process. But that’s me.

Dear lord above, can’t you know I’m pining,
tears all in my eyes
Send down that cloud with a silver lining,
lift me to paradise

ghost story

The fog was where I wanted to be. Halfway down the path you can’t see this house. You’d never know it was here. Or any of the other places down the avenue. I couldn’t see but a few feet ahead. I didn’t meet a soul. Everything looked and sounded unreal. Nothing was what it is. That’s what I wanted — to be alone with myself in another world where truth is untrue and life can hide from itself. Out beyond the harbor, where the road runs along the beach, I even lost the feeling of being on land. The fog and the sea seemed part of each other. It was like walking on the bottom of the sea. As if I had drowned along ago. As if I was a ghost belonging to the fog, and the fog was the ghost of the sea. It felt damned peaceful to be nothing more than a ghost within a ghost.

— Eugene O’Neill, Long Day’s Journey Into Night

you gonna eat that?

This habit that some jerks have of killing large, exotic creatures just for sport, pisses me off. What a waste. What an incredible disrespect for life.

Back in the days when idiots shot buffalo from the windows of trains, I’m sure the animals seemed infinite. Wrong. Nothing is limitless except God, and everything is here for a reason.

Why is it that some people can’t appreciate anything without destroying it?

Happy to be Home


Happy to be Home
Originally uploaded by kylekimberlin.

Happy’s very glad to have her Mama and Dad back from their trip, and she’s Happy to be home with them. She’s working on getting used to her new heart meds now. They take a toll on her mood, but she’s a trooper. And she’s breathing well, which is the main thing.

Thanks for all your supportive comments and e-mails. And don’t forget to visit Happy’s personal blog — Happy’s Trials — in the column on the right.

whew. really.

I brought Happy home last night. She was exhausted and had diarrhea, poor baby, but otherwise OK. She’s breathing comfortably, resting here beside the desk. We both got a good night’s sleep, which I really needed because I was fairly stressed, and Happy ate her breakfast. Good girl. We have an appointment with her regular vet in half an hour.

three and a half hours

until I get to bring Happy home.

I just talked to the vet. Happy’s doing “really well.” Her heart size is better. (I didn’t know that could/would happen, but I guess a stressed and swollen muscle gets better with treatment.) They’re slowly weaning her off oxygen, and I can get her at 7pm.

I’m a little nervous about it. What if something happens while I’m asleep? (Maybe I shouldn’t do that.) I told the vet I miss Happy and she wants to come home, but we don’t want to rush this, if it’s best that Happy stay for observation. The vet said no, it’ll be fine.

You know, taking care of someone small and helpless, especially one who can’t tell you where it hurts, it’s an enormous responsibility. I’ve done it before — with Tasha for 14 years — but it still takes great focus and determined love. It’s still not easy. So those of you who are good parents — of children or pets — have my unmitigated respect.

not a happy day

My little friend Happy is in the hospital.  Here are some details, culled from e-mails to friends.
 
——————————————-
Sun, May 21, 2006 at 2:12 AM 
I had to rush Happy to the ER tonight.  She’s in heart failure. 
 
When time came for bed, 11:45, 5/20/05, she was lying by the TV, as normal.  She was alert, watching me, but didn’t want to get up.  I picked her up.  She yelled loudly, arched her back like she was having a cramp or something.  I set her in a chair, petted her, she wouldn’t get up.  I set her on the floor, she just stood there. 
 
I called my folks, my Mom, at my brother’s in northern cal. We agreed I should take Happy in.   She seemed better on the ride up, stood in the seat, eager to get out when we arrived.  But when I went through the door, they said her color was bad, like not enough oxygen. They started using words I don’t care for, such as “Stat.”
 
She has fluid on her lungs.  She’s in an oxygen cage.  I got to reach in a pet her, and she wanted so much to get out.  She’s on Lasix, I think enalapril, they might do nitroglycerin.  The vet said she’s doing better – breathing better – and he was “pleased that she’s responding.”  She’ll be in the hospital at least until tomorrow night, probably Monday morning, then go to her regular vet.  
 
I’ll go and visit her in the morning, and afternoon…
 
Please pray!
 
——————————————-
Sun, May 21, 2006 at 8:58 AM 
I talked to a vet tech about an hour ago, who said that Happy is doing better – breathing better.  She ate some breakfast.  They’re going to do another xray in a few hours, and maybe start weaning her off oxygen.  I’m going up in an hour, as soon as the vets’ rounds are over, to see her. 
 
I’m still at my parents’ house.  (I’ve been Happysitting here since Wednesday.)  It’s very lonely here!
 
———————————————-
Sun, May 21, 2006 at 1:13 PM 
 
 
I went up to visit Happy a little less than 3 hours ago, and took her coon — a little softie toy that looks like a raccoon.  I knelt on the floor next to her cage for a while, and petted her through a hole.  She wanted out pretty bad, and kept putting her head out through the hole, putting her paw on my hand whining.  “Kyo get me outta here!”  (She calls me Kyo – all dogs do.)
 
The O2 cage is Plexiglas, with a porthole in the front which can be opened for visits, and a pee pad under her.  I would go crazy in a box like that in about a minute.  I have to close my eyes for a CT scan, or I get claustrophobic.  But I just gently pushed her back inside. It’s strange, the things we do for love.
 
The vet came over soon and said that she’d just come on shift, but the other vet had reported Happy doing “much better.”  The plan was to wean her off O2 gradually today, and possibly send her home tonight.  It depends on how she does as the O2 is decreased to normal.  Otherwise, tomorrow.  I hope she’s doing well enough to come home tonight. But the vet lowered the O2 while I was there, and said Happy showed a little labor in breathing. 
 
She looked pretty good to me, except for being upset at being jailed.  So it’s wait and see this afternoon.  I’ll be calling for an update in a little while, maybe going for another visit (it’s only 10 miles.)  And hopefully, I’ll bring her home to sleep in her own bed. 
 
Thanks for your prayers, everybody!