Uncle Kyle’s e-mail of the day:
Q. What is an Economic Stimulus Payment?
A. It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers.
Q. Where will the government get this money?
A. From taxpayers.
Q. So the government is giving me back my own money?
A. Only a smidgen.
Q. What is the purpose of this payment?
A. The plan is that you will use the money to purchase a HDTV set,
thus stimulating the economy.
Q. But isn’t that stimulating the economy of China ?
A. Shut up.
Metaphor 
Dude, you’re not supposed to get the HDTV for yourself. You pay for it online and have it shipped to one of the 4113 Iraq casualty families, so they can watch Bush not playing golf. … Makes sense, right?
Oh, I see. How do I buy the HDTV set after I fill my tank to get to the store?