NEW YORK (Oct. 20) – Harry Potter fans, the rumors are true: Albus Dumbledore, master wizard and Headmaster of Hogwarts, is gay. J.K. Rowling, author of the mega-selling fantasy series that ended last summer, outed the beloved character Friday night while appearing before a full house at Carnegie Hall.

Oh please, spare us such idiocy, J.K. Stop pandering to the most silly among your fans.

Rowling has been doing this craptastic, post-textural act ever since the last book came out. She goes from room to room, telling the kids and their over-entertained parents all the secrets left over from her books. Who gets married to whom later on, etc.

There is no such thing as a secret in or from a book. It’s either in there, or it’s something you chose or failed to write. If Dumbledore is gay, write it. If two of the kids grow up and get married, write that. Writers write, we don’t sit around making stuff up and not writing it. Sheesh.