Tasha is lying on the grass in the sun, next to one of the cassia trees Dad planted this year. The breeze is ruffling the hair of her tail and her ears. She can stay there as long as she likes, and go with me when I go. I would not leave her behind for anything.

The vet called today with lab results. Tasha’s kidneys are failing. She has about one third kidney function left. She’s also anemic.

She just got up and moved into the shade by the fence, farther away but facing the house. I wonder if she’s watching me where I sit on the deck, watching her. I waive.

So today we went to the vet and I learned how to give her fluids with an IV drip, under her skin. You pinch the skin and make a little tent, then poke the needle in. she winced when I did it. I will do this for her every day and it’s hard; it hurts my heart. But she would do anything for me.

So we have the IV ringers and some special KD food. Kidney Diet. And the words of the vet to carry home: “guarded to poor;” “some dogs carry on a while;” “weeks to months.” Strange, since she seems to feel better today, after the fluids. Like she did a couple of weeks ago, at least.

They say when she starts having “more bad days than good ones,” we’ll know it’s time.

Tasha has been with me since October 1991, when she was a little over a year old. I’ve had dogs around me all my life, but Tash was the first to be well and truly mine. I’m her guy. She loves me, follows me from room to room, would rather be with me than anyone else, ready to travel anywhere, any time. My companion, my best and dearest friend. I cannot tell you the summit of my gratitude for 14 years. I love her so much.

Isn’t that amazing? I did nothing – God knows – to deserve it. A pure gift, and how much is love like that, loyalty like that, worth? It’s priceless, and there is no king in a palace, no rock star in a mansion, who has more friendship than me. No one has anything more precious.

They’ve shown me what to do and tried to tell me what I’m up against, but the truth is they don’t know. They think my dog is going to die, but that’s a shadow of the thing.

Love is so high, so wide, so vast in its infinite blue and thundering clouds, that no one can tell you what it is. No one can tell you what you lose in the absence of it, of the friend of long stormy nights, the ears that listen without judgment, the soft hair to pet … I look at the sky and the sky will not hold it. The stars are just a screen to hang it on.

But I tell you a miracle: love fits in this yard, there by the cassia tree in the shade. And through this long, sad day – a consolation – love dreams of walking with me.

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