You’ll be very pleased to know that the liberals won the culture war of the 20th century.

I had a feeling it would come down that way. The Right couldn’t score in the second half; the Liberals wouldn’t let go of the ball. But things got nasty in overtime, and smart money says it’s a different game when the Liberals play the Neocons.

The Liberals made the field damn near unplayable, pockmarked by chuckholes of moral and aesthetic relativism. Unable to take the moral high ground by means of subjective populism alone, the Liberals stuck to the swampy turf down the middle, and beat the Right with a short-thrown but incessant ground game. (Everybody gets some yardage, but nobody gets redeemed, and we’re all PC for the press.)

Basically, there was nothing defensive (read reactionary) players like Falwell could do against the mind-numbing one-two punch of Hollywood and the baby boom. The third quarter, dominated by Kennedy and King, devolved into a mind-numbing mess: The Right just stood there, while the Liberals brought in the second string, and sloppy points were scored by the likes of Stern and Flint. Ironically, it probably wouldn’t have played out that way, if the Right hadn’t given that klutz McCarthy the ball.

The Neocons are a different team. They play the middle too, and they play dirty. They’re perfecting an end run around the Constitution and the Truth. And they made a smooth move trading Morality for Fear. This leaves the Liberals virtually defenseless, because they lost all coaching and their best players in the last match. The Neocons can give up the Hail Mary in favor of the Avé Caesar, and fake us out with a dirty bomb.

Get your tickets. It’s gonna be a great show.